Bazooka Joe's Slow, Painful Decline into Cultural Homogenization

What happened to Bazooka Joe? He used to be so cool; now he's just a mediocre bore with no personality, just like everyone else. 

Look at this badass homunculus child! All good cartoon characters have bulbous, infant craniums. 

                                                           

"Give us your paper waste, and Joe will personally send you a mini bloodied head on a rope." What a charmer.

Easily appealing drawings in each panel, perfect use of limited color

That was over thirty years ago, and Joe has been on a slippery slope ever since they stopped letting Tijuana Bible artists do the illustrations for children's foodstuff comics.

hip and trendy calarts Joe

here's some of the miserable trash that current-day America considers a "fun prize for children"

Lifeless drawings, too many colors.

Why is douchey modern Bazooka Joe yucking it up about "Ball Sports"? 

Cartoon-loving American children don't wanna see these Filmation rejects.

Ugly, bland, no appeal.

Around 2012, Bazooka tried to be hip and cutting-edge by getting rid of all their appeal.

This isn't even a comic; what a sick joke.

Unfortunately, the same can be said about poor CrackerJack, too.

Confined to corporate, conservative blandness.

A sticker with a QR code for a cellphone game—what a great prize! 

Truly, this is what the American Dream is all about.

And they're not even that visually interesting, either.

At least it's something; you can't even put free stickers in breakfast cereal anymore; 

some douche will try to choke on it so he can sue the manufacturer.

This is what CrackerJack used to give you for free:

What have we learned? Nothing good is allowed to be for free anymore; you always have to pay extra or settle for a single corporate stock art QR code-embedded sticker.

Is this really the best corporations have to offer? Granted, even when I was a kid, things weren't as good as what my parents had growing up, but corporations still had the courage to give us a free color-changing spoon or a CD-Rom premium

America was once a place where people would construct monuments to the Greek Gods of animation; programing websites worth of flash games just to promote breakfast cereals, junk food, and hard candy. 

Now corporate Hollywood companies can't even be bothered to give kids a sheet of Glow-In-The-Dark stickers; what happened?